Aquarius  (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Your preoccupation with self- importance escalates. After creating a homepage for yourself, you promptly add an awards page to seek further recognition. "I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" you think.

Pisces  (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) The standard dog greeting of sniffing butt is revolting to your owners, but has served you well until you meet a particular Cocker Spaniel with intestinal problems.

Aries  (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19) Your intelligence is growing at such a high rate that you will soon surpass your owners and take over responsibilities such as household finance.

Taurus  (Apr. 20 - May 20) Your use of the telephone while your owners are away from home is discovered when their phone bill contains $250 in 900-number calls to doggy phone sex companies.

Gemini  (May 21 - June 21) It’s said that dog owners grow to resemble their pets. You become concerned as you notice your owners began to turn around three times before lying down.

Cancer  (June 22 - July 22) Your owners realize how spoiled you are when they note that you have more toys and stuffed animals than they had as children. You point out that you have no board games or video games. They buy you a Monopoly game and you chew the pieces.

Leo  (July 23 - Aug. 22) You take over the role of head of household. You determine when your family goes to bed, wakes up, and take walks. You are bossy.

Virgo   (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) After visiting certain Yorkie dog web sites, your owners feel that you need to learn new tricks to amuse their friends. You instead amuse yourself by stepping on the VCR remote and rewinding movies at crucial moments.

Libra   (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23) Things are looking up for you. The neighbors' Tabby-cat "Morris" will be declawed on Saturday. Try to bark in his face annoyingly and surprise him the day he returns. You will be amused to watch him try to climb a tree to escape.

Scorpio  (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22) Your apathy for food concerns your owners to the point that they pour meaty sauces and mix human food with your meals. They are content only when you eat your equivalent body weight each day.

Sagittarius  (Nov. 23 - Dec. 22) Your delusions of being a big dog continue as you begin to pick fights with the neighborhood Rottweiler. You reconsider your position in the dog hierarchy.

Capricorn  (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Your horoscope is grim. That new odor affixed to your favorite hydrant was left by a Boxer with a chip on his shoulder. For the next week, beg your owners to carry you whenever outdoors.